A Nagging Need

Jesse is still feeling under the weather, though his temperature has finally dropped below 100.  I knew he was feeling better last night when he started being his ornery little self. Haha. He's staying home one more to day to nip this bug in the bud. 

The Leaves, They Are A Changing

Where the sunshine normally reflects off the wall of windows, casting sinewy shadows into my office, there are splatters of raindrops clinging to the glass instead. Little light is seeping in, but there is just enough to see that one of the maple trees outside is turning yellow. She’s a lone wolf, as all the others dance on the wind in their green skirts. She stands out amongst the rest, like the Snow Queen and her little Snowflakes in the Nutcracker. If I had my druthers, I’d be nose-pressed against the glass, leaving a smudge and a foggy scape, but instead I’m at my desk trying to ignore the pinging alert of incoming email.
The desire to move home grows stronger with each day that passes. I’m thankful for my job, and I’m far from the point of dreading the day each morning. Yet, there is a nagging need to be home. The silly reality is that I don’t have a home anywhere else—at least not a physical one. My world on 5th Avenue isn’t waiting to welcome me back, and WildHorse has changed her name so that she’s no longer what I knew of her. Perhaps it would be more fitting to say we are in need of family, of friends, of familiarity. I’m that tree outside—standing in the wind amongst many others, yet feel so out of place.

I joke that I’d like to move back to Oregon tomorrow. But there is truth behind my jests. We pray that God would open a door of opportunity, and then we must wait. It’s difficult to wait. My leaves only turn more yellow with time, making me less and less like those surrounding me. I wonder what the men and women thought when they tied their wagons to oxen and headed west. They hadn’t the luxuries of cars or planes, yet they made it. The Rockies didn’t stop them. Did they pray and ask God to open a door?

So, until God makes it clear that we too are to set out on our own Oregon Trail, we must wait.  Until then, we will pray.  That tree outside really is quite stunning.